Values that a Caregiver Must Possess

In my book, I talk about the experiences of what it was like to have a loved one with cancer, including the sudden change of becoming their primary caregiver.

As you can expect, hearing the diagnosis first-hand from a doctor can bring a lot of emotional weight. This is especially true for your loved one, who may consider such news earth-shattering. Fear, numbness, shock, anger, and sadness can overwhelm them—making them vulnerable to physical and emotional pain.

As a caregiver, one must showcase a specific set of values to show a sense of calm. Here are some virtues to consider:

1. Patience

A cancer diagnosis can cause one to feel overwhelmed and vulnerable. When people feel these emotions, they may lash out and potentially make rash decisions because they don't have much time left.

As a caregiver, you must be patient with your loved one's emotions. This step gives them time to process their diagnosis while also considering how they want to approach this together.

2. Faith

Faith is a strong belief in a person, value, or God. When people start believing in a higher sense of being or purpose, it helps them develop a sense of perspective. It also brings a sense of peace. It allows them to view their diagnosis as a challenge instead of a world-shattering event.

3. Compassion

Compassion is showing kindness and concern. After a diagnosis, your loved one may go through a series of emotions that can either be explosive or muted. You must show compassion throughout, so it gives them the sense of knowing they can be vulnerable with you. Nevertheless, you should also be stern with them when it matters. That way, you don't come across as a doormat or a "yes man."

4. Strength

Strength encompasses all these values and more. It also involves leading when your loved one diverts from their expected health care plan. For instance, if they don't take their medications, avoid the doctor, or cope with unhealthy habits—you must learn to step in and steer them on the right path. While it helps to be tough, it also pays to be gentle to not add any more stress to your loved one.

Being a caregiver requires a set of roles and responsibilities. Whether you're the spouse, friend, or family member--being a caregiver means ensuring their best interests are met. It also means playing a collaborative role while becoming the leader when necessary. If you suddenly become a caregiver, please be mindful of the values you showcase, which can affect your relationship entirely.

by Diane Davies